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Cold Trauma, Hot Coffee, Warm Breeze

Jul 21, 2016

I’ve had times when I felt positive, upbeat, hopeful, in love with life and the world. It’s still my wish. Lately though, it’s been tough. So many lost and wandering souls, lashing out, trying to take by force of will and word what’s not theirs.

Not for an instant saying I’m better than them; I make mistakes every day. And I doubt, get scared, worry, reminisce in my trauma. But I try diligently to simply do the right thing, the kind thing, the loving thing. I forgive as quickly as I can and follow the path that’s before me, sharing my heart, my art, my gifts. And then I’m minding my own business, creating this or that, for myself, for a client, for the world at large, and bam! Some jackass leaves a stupid comment, or some jerk honks his horn on the nearby road. It blares with his anger. I... Read More »

YOU are Enough

Jul 20, 2016

Open your soul.

You are perfection, dawning, expanding, living.

There is nothing you need do but be YOU!

One in seven billion; that's who you are. Is that not not enough?

Laugh, dance, leap, rest, run, walk, stop, soar; it matters not--you are perfection.

Notwithstanding the doubts, the judgments, the drama the chaos and the the little moments when you feel you don't quite belong. Let me assure you: You belong. You are here for a reason. You are here for a purpose. Find it!

Find your reason... Read More »

Return of the Giggle

Jul 3, 2016

Over the past ten years or more, I’ve written several instruction manuals, maps showing the way to heaven, to enlightenment.

So… Why the fuck am I not enlightened?

Umm… Hmm…

(Giggling…)

The return of the giggle
The return to truth
The return to life
Grasping the key, inserting it, turning it
Twisting the knob, and a slight push on the door
Light floods through the thin... Read More »

No Problem

Jun 5, 2016

Why do we think we have problems when we also believe, know even, that we are one with God and God loves us and God is in control? How can there be a single moment of “problem” or of imperfection? Does that mean that God is imperfect? Of course not! We know better than that for we have tasted moments of bliss, of ecstasy, of divinity. Purely and simply, God cannot be bad and cannot make mistakes and we are one with... Read More »

I am good.

May 19, 2016

Some of my most limiting beliefs are those I discovered and invented myself. Like my idea of how one could achieve greatness. I devised a plausible theory and formula which was based on being in the top two percent in several metrics, skill, persistence, confidence, and diligence. I reasoned that it was pure math. If one could achieve top two percent in all four, they’d be at the level of 1 in 1.6 million, and greatness would follow in their chosen field of endeavor.

This belief became my religion, in essence, and I worked hard to improve myself in the four areas, some easier than others. And I realized some significant success.

But what if I’m missing some crucial aspect I’d not considered? Like my other beliefs, for example? Or faith? Or something else entirely? When I stubbornly followed a limited path, I limited myself and my results.

So now I’m questioning again.... Read More »

Doubt and Worry

Apr 1, 2016

What's the difference between a doubt and a worry? Not much really.

Am I not the protagonist in my own story? What's my character arc? What transformations must I undertake in order to fulfill my journey?

Steve is a man who has never felt worthy to live a decent life. This is reflected in his choice of home, the women he's been in relationship with, and his frequent lack of money and time. He procrastinates and then complains of the lack of time. He manages his money poorly and complains of its lack, too.

Is the problem then my worship of lack or is it my habitual complaining?

What's at the core of my issues?

Is it simply fear? What am I afraid of? Why am I... Read More »

I'm an Actor

Mar 1, 2016

I think I've had this impression that I need to be as my characters in order to write them well, but it just occurred to me that there's a very real chance that I could, rather than being many-faceted (and thus a little crazy in the conflict) merely be an "actor," playing the parts, and writing them.

This seems big. Life... Read More »

The Subtle Jump

Feb 1, 2016

I had a good realization about jumping last night. I was musing about whether I needed to be perfect before I jumped. I was thinking I'd need to be perfectly free of fear and have 100% confidence before I jumped.

Then I realized how silly that is.

The reason it's a jump is that it's scary. If it weren't scary, it wouldn't even be a jump. It would be a baby step. Or it... Read More »

My Greatest Fear is Writing

Jan 29, 2016

My greatest fear is writing. I've lots of little fears and apprehensions, too, but that's the biggest. Is it writing? Not precisely. I'm obviously writing right now and have been writing lots, especially since the beginning of this year. My greatest fear isn't writing then, but fiction writing? No, that's not quite so either. What's the actual fear? Sharing my writing? No. I've published a bunch of books and share stuff most every day on the internet.

So what's the actual fear? It seems to have something to do with... Read More »

Vaping

Jan 17, 2016

My last cigarette was Friday night. And I had only one Friday. So only one cigarette since I bought the vaporizer thingy, Thursday around seven p.m. Totally smoke free for 38 hours. Only one cigarette in the past 62 hours. And it’s been pretty easy. I’m still getting the relief from vaping, and the nicotine. And I’m breathing much easier, not coughing hardly at all, and my taste and ability to taste are returning.

I hadn’t really planned it. I’d thought about stopping at that vape store for months, but didn’t know I would until I did, and didn’t know what to expect. And even after I bought it I wasn’t planning on quitting. I was thinking of cutting back, and maybe quitting sometime this year. But I found I had no need to smoke with the vaporizer, even during a tough day at work. Just one short slip, a single... Read More »

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