Life is, in large part, as I think it is.

While I know this to be true, I sometimes get stuck.

I get caught up sometimes in the concept of shared reality, of “one plurality.” We are one and we are many. I affect the universe but am but one of many co-creators. Some of what I see, I have created directly, and much of what I see was created by others.

Other times I get confused because I create not only by conscious but by subconscious thoughts and feelings. (Feelings are thoughts, too, much like news and poetry both express and communicate, but at opposite ends... Read More »

I have three writing modes.

1. Disciplined
2. Intentional
3. Inspired

I’m not sure those are the perfect adjectives, but they’re in the ball park. I spend most of my time in the middle, as it flows easily enough and I rarely feel the need to force myself. And when I feel I can’t write, I just start, and that feeling falls away soon enough. Once I start writing I can pretty much always write. I’ve proved that hundreds of times at free writes and the last eight weeks writing my weekly assignments which all turned out quite good.

But I don’t feel I spend a... Read More »

Envy is a result of competitiveness. But what is the value of competing? Have I not stopped being combative, divisive, and coarse? Is there some reason inside I must win? Will it prove that I am somehow worthy?

But I am worthy! That I know, simply because I am a loved child of a loving God. Regardless what I do or do not do and regardless of whether I “win” or “lose” some... Read More »

There is not a single atom in you that is not perfect, not the smallest impulse of subatomic energy flowing divinely through your true essence.

You are. Think about that. You. Are.

You are. You exist. You are both connected to the Divine Flowing Glory of Existence and you are utterly and wonderfully unique.

Every breath, every beat of your choice, every thought of your heart, every glimmering star-shine twinkle of your fantastic imagination—each and every one—is the result of a perfect choice. Hence: destiny, fate.

You are your creation, destined to... Read More »

Nine hours yesterday. Over seventy for the week. I’ve found my groove and learned some secrets. Mostly, it’s about simply deciding that nothing will stop me from being productive. And it’s about diving in early, before the brain has time to get all worried about the bullshit.

It’s removing myself from the noise. Or transcending the noise. Or getting pissed about the noise, and using that anger... Read More »

Here’s my truth. I’m still afraid to shine. I self-medicate with distractions, reading and Netflix mostly, and give myself little time to actually enjoy life in solace and sensation because I’m still scared I won’t be able to live my dreams.

But part of the bitch of it is that I *am* living my dreams, at least many of them. I’ve not smoked in six months, I’m drinking lots of water and I’m eating healthy. I write lots, over half a million words this year.

But I push myself increasingly harder. And I wear down and wear out and fizzle. When I wrote a hundred thousand words in a month I wanted to write a hundred and twenty the next. When I lost two inches from my waistline, I wanted to lose three more, and fast. Faster, faster, faster until I get overwhelmed and then just say fuck it and lose most... Read More »

It gets more and more curious, more and more impossibly fucking ridiculous. Mother fucking Ryan is asleep on the couch. Snoring. With the TV on.

I’m feeling very angry today. A little confused, too.

What did Jesus say about thieves? If someone steals your coat, give them your shirt, too?

Well, it’s pretty clear in Luke Chapter 6 (NIV):

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

“If you love those who love you, what credit is... Read More »

What is magic? Changing what must be.

What must be? What is decided must be.

Who decides? For most the answer is God, nature, or chance. But for some, the answer is “We do.” We create our reality. We create the physical laws which govern our existence by a shared choice to do so.

So, to work a miracle or to perform magic is simply a matter of transcending the hive mind and deciding to make something different,... Read More »