July 21, 2016 2:42 pm EDT
I’ve had times when I felt positive, upbeat, hopeful, in love with life and the world. It’s still my wish. Lately though, it’s been tough. So many lost and wandering souls, lashing out, trying to take by force of will and word what’s not theirs.
Not for an instant saying I’m better than them; I make mistakes every day. And I doubt, get scared, worry, reminisce in my trauma. But I try diligently to simply do the right thing, the kind thing, the loving thing. I forgive as quickly as I can and follow the path that’s before me, sharing my heart, my art, my gifts. And then I’m minding my own business, creating this or that, for myself, for a client, for the world at large, and bam! Some jackass leaves a stupid comment, or some jerk honks his horn on the nearby road. It blares with his anger. I tell myself to take a breath, to clear my mind, to let go and forgive. But the concentration is broken now. So instead, I brew a fresh cup of coffee, rant a bit to myself in my journal, distract myself with a movie, and later I’ll wonder: Did I attract this? Did I cause this trauma that somehow still finds me, as I mind my own business, whistle along with a happy song, and do my best to create something of value? Or is it just the way of this flawed and fearful world I share with jerks, bullies, and chicken littles?
The coffee’s hot, the sun is shining, and the leaves continue to dance in the slight breeze. The song changes. I breathe in deep, find a place of hope.