April 1, 2016
What's the difference between a doubt and a worry? Not much really.
Am I not the protagonist in my own story? What's my character arc? What transformations must I undertake in order to fulfill my journey?
Steve is a man who has never felt worthy to live a decent life. This is reflected in his choice of home, the women he's been in relationship with, and his frequent lack of money and time. He procrastinates and then complains of the lack of time. He manages his money poorly and complains of its lack, too.
Is the problem then my worship of lack or is it my habitual complaining?
What's at the core of my issues?
Is it simply fear? What am I afraid of? Why am I afraid? Can I overcome these habits of being afraid or must I simply accept my fearful nature?
Is it possible to not be afraid? Or is that not the right question? Maybe the point is that courage isn't the lack of fear but instead it's standing and staring it in the face and saying "Fuck you" and doing it anyway...
I think that's right. And I think that's my character arc. I'm becoming a man who is afraid, in reality, much like everyone else, but despite my being afraid, I stand and walk and do what I want to do.