April 30, 2014 2:09 pm EDT
I’m feeling on the edge of insanity, slipping, slipping, exploring. Too many pressures from too many fronts and too few moments of success. I’ve written whole books on how to live in a state of enlightenment yet I feel I still have little clue how to do it in a sustained manner and with anything approaching consistent peace and fulfillment.
The old affirmations provide little comfort. Am I insane in a sane world or the reverse? Every trial takes a chunk from my weary soul; I’m melting away into elderly disappointment.
The backhanded compliments, the high-handed judgments, the never ceasing demands for more for less—where is hope in that paradigm? Where is the authenticity?
I lack the capacity to play the game well in my refusal to accept the inanity of it all. I’ve transcended into a state of constant darkness.
Shrug. Oh well. Is what it is. Right?