August 16, 2003

Why do I go down this path toward fear?
Why do I invite the chaos so readily and openly?
Why do I so quickly forget the tools that have served me so well?

My inactivity creates a cycle,
the cycle loops out of control,
It starts with a moment of doubt,
and leads to complete paralysis.

The paralysis of analysis,
the fear of being left behind.
These foes do endless battle,
I sprint whilst standing still.

My thoughts begin to rage,
the rage creates a race.
Which thought will win the foot race?
the race with no beginning, no middle, no end.

A sensation is created,
which reminds me of a runaway train;
or, perhaps, better described,
27 runaway trains, all racing feverishly toward me.

I try and stop the thoughts,
my desperate attempt to take the reins.
I forget so quickly that the cure,
is not to tighten my grip but instead, relinquish.

Doubt is given birth,
I lose sight of the path.
My thoughts move to endlessness,
28 trains, 29, 72, more, more, more.

When the pain becomes unbearable,
I finally fall on my face.
Relief comes when I surrender,
beseech God for His help.

The tears of my surrender,
wash away the fears.
Peace comes only from the One,
the One who died for me.

I'm thankful for the lesson,
His tutelage given freely once more.
If only I could remember,
I could remain in control.

Powerlessness, surrender, relief,
the lesson seems so clear,
That clarity will stay for a time,
until my friendly foe, fear, returns once more.

Type: Poetry

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