i have known
from my most virginal thoughts
of my unworthiness
but for a time
i forgot

for a time
i let myself believe
i was trustworthy
i was lovable
i was good

life got better

but deep within
under all the images
beneath the pretense
where only the soul exists
i knew
i was wholly unworthy
and so
the darkness created influence
and i pushed all the good far away
with finesse, with subtlety

i betrayed her trust
by being willing to trust
neither her nor me

and the good i had created
crawled away
proving
i was
and am
unworthy